Soothing Anxieties with Sankalpa

Let’s think about how our lives materialize. If our lives are a result of our actions, where do our actions originate? What are they influenced by? It is very common today that all the things we do are a result of contracts we have. I do this, in order for that. Everything in our life has terms and conditions. And it has taken our freedom away. We have to pay for our senses. We have to pay to use our voice. We even have to pay to have our connection with the natural world. 

And then we have our body, the truth teller. I recognize, in me, a certain anxiety. A certain tension. A certain worry that seems constant and unending. I would say that these feelings are corrosive. However, I believe they are born from a wise place. Not that I am wise, but there is wisdom in me. The same wisdom that births stars. In a place deep inside where contradictions become unconditional understanding. It is the same place where we, as one, understand the connections in the grand shift and shake of this world. Here my anxieties have a voice and a story to tell.

In the garden I was sitting. The lamb's ear was falling over. For beauty's sake I thought I might pull it all out and start fresh. But then the bumblebees were dancing all over the little purple flowers. I thought, I will leave this plant for the bumblebee. I sat down proud to be such a human that has these thoughts. But as I sat there watching the dance of the bumblebee, a dawning from the great witness. The chicken or the egg. Did I save the bumblebee or did the bumblebee save me? Would I be here to have this pride if the bumblebee didn’t do its dance?

At the moment, my asana practice has me sitting for a few minutes with a yoga block on my head. Udana Vayu. The practice of an upward flow of energy. The block gives a somatic insight into upward movement of life force. Most of us in this situation will actually grow. We will find the natural spaciousness of the spine, and a few extra inches of height. As our eyes rise, we may find a new perspective. Like the sunshine dawning over large distances, a few inches of rise can make a big difference in the area that receives the sunlight. We gain a greater perspective. 

The sight of the bumblebee gave me a new perspective. Am I the doer? Do I need to go around in my life and ‘do’ all the things? Would the world fall apart if I chose to allow my will to become slack? The biggest question is, would the machine run me over? My anxieties would say, yes!

Would I survive? Would people still love me? If I wasn’t constantly doing this to get that, what would happen?

What if my main motivation was simply to be in wonder, to share, to partake. What if my main motivation for working was just to recognize and utilize this body's own natural capabilities. What if I felt, all I need to give, is what I have to offer? My main motivation for singing is to vibrate an offer. Namo. Bowing. Sawha. Offering.  

Goals can be very motivating in helping people achieve greater health. To identify goals that are most meaningful, which help people stay on the path, people must find their purpose. Purpose. A big word these days. As we move from a culture where one career that lasted a lifetime and paid the bills sufficed, to a culture where we want our work to suit us, as individuals and draw on our unique gifts and talents. We want our work to have meaning and purpose. We want our days filled with meaning and purpose. 

Where does this meaning and purpose come from? We look outside. We look to the outside world. What can I ‘do’ to have meaning in this world? What can I ‘do’ to have purpose?

Does the bumblebee ask such questions? Do we ask them because we are so much more evolved?

Yoga philosophy has a word, sankalpa. Sankalpa is maybe translated as intention. Maybe more accurately the souls longing, our deepest longing. In this philosophy the heart has many layers and the deepest layer is called the ‘secret heart’.  The sankalpa lives here, in the deepest part hidden to the outside world. Hidden, maybe, even to us. Perhaps we don’t see the truth of our longings. We can’t see clearly. We are spending too much time looking out. 

The biggest news, and what I think is so worthwhile in all of this, (and also very opposite to how most of us live in the west, so perhaps very soothing to our worried and anxious selves) the sankalpa, our deepest longing, doesn’t have to be expressed outwards. There is no doing involved. No goal. We hear it all the time, but do we see? We are complete, whole, nothing wrong with us!

You have no contract between you and your heart's logingings. The sankalpa is there whether you see clearly or not. The more clearly you see, the more your true intentions are reflected out into your actions in the world. Not from a superficial need to ‘do’, but from that place where contradictions alchemize into unconditional understandings.